Deservedly so!
----------
I'm not one to shirk my civic duty. So I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.
I think I'm gonna be pretty good at this thing!
----------
My wife has joined a mission to try to find answers to what happened to Malaysian Airlines flight MH-370. Apparently they aren't satisfied with Don Lemon's explanation that it was grabbed by a black hole.
Anyway, the wife is perfect for it. She's the one that traced all of Van Gogh's family tree.
----------
I made dinner last night. I combined alphabet soup and a laxative.
I call it Letter Rip.
----------
Keep this handy chart around to avoid ever being confused again.
----------
Did you know that a pumpkin's circumference divided by its diameter equals pumpkin pi?
----------
The hardest lessons always seem to be our best teachers.
----------
After my wife died I couldn't even look at another woman for about 13 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was totally worth it.
----------
Where Democrats eat.
----------
Find someone who loves you like Barack Obama loves Barack Obama.
----------
The other thing that triggered it was somebody told them Hondurans are registering Republican.
----------
People frequently complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
"What's the matter? asked the Trooper "
“Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker. "
“OK, watch me closely and I'll show you."
The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers' office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Janice...
----------
Nobody'll be able to tell the difference.
----------
Dear middle finger,
Thank you for sticking up for me!
----------
Be careful where you get your vacation advice!
----------
I saw today that the economy is doing so good that even Obama is considering becoming an American citizen!
----------
Some people find odd things when they trace their roots.
----------
My wife just texted me, "Wish you were here."
For some reason she does that every time she walks through a cemetery.
----------
Many things do.
----------
My stomach is flat. The "L" is silent.
----------
Transaged
----------
I know right from wrong.
Wrong is the fun one.
----------
----------
I'm not one to shirk my civic duty. So I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.
I think I'm gonna be pretty good at this thing!
----------
My wife has joined a mission to try to find answers to what happened to Malaysian Airlines flight MH-370. Apparently they aren't satisfied with Don Lemon's explanation that it was grabbed by a black hole.
Anyway, the wife is perfect for it. She's the one that traced all of Van Gogh's family tree.
----------
I made dinner last night. I combined alphabet soup and a laxative.
I call it Letter Rip.
----------
Keep this handy chart around to avoid ever being confused again.
----------
Did you know that a pumpkin's circumference divided by its diameter equals pumpkin pi?
----------
The hardest lessons always seem to be our best teachers.
----------
After my wife died I couldn't even look at another woman for about 13 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was totally worth it.
----------
Where Democrats eat.
----------
Find someone who loves you like Barack Obama loves Barack Obama.
----------
The other thing that triggered it was somebody told them Hondurans are registering Republican.
----------
People frequently complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
"What's the matter? asked the Trooper "
“Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker. "
“OK, watch me closely and I'll show you."
The Trooper unzipped and promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers' office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Janice...
----------
Nobody'll be able to tell the difference.
----------
Dear middle finger,
Thank you for sticking up for me!
----------
Be careful where you get your vacation advice!
----------
I saw today that the economy is doing so good that even Obama is considering becoming an American citizen!
----------
Some people find odd things when they trace their roots.
----------
My wife just texted me, "Wish you were here."
For some reason she does that every time she walks through a cemetery.
----------
Many things do.
----------
My stomach is flat. The "L" is silent.
----------
Transaged
----------
I know right from wrong.
Wrong is the fun one.
----------
