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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it

    sinister_midget
    sinister_midget
    Admin

    Posts : 3675
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 66
    Location : Home

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Empty I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:42 pm

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Pick-up-mexican-girls

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    Dear Abby,

    My husband hasn't worked for the last 18 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know this because he brags about it to me. He smokes fancy imported cigars and drinks the most expensive liquor day and night. We sleep in separate bedrooms because he tells me he knows I don’t like men and besides that, he says my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off. Should I clobber him with something heavy, or should I just leave him?

    Sincerely, Mad as Hell

    Dear Mad as Hell,

    You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out A.S.A.P. Don’t resort to violence and try to act more like a lady. Remember, you were almost elected President of the United States, so try acting like one.

    Abby

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    The struggle is real!

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Carpool-tunnel-syndrome

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    I always regret making a great first impression.

    There's just no way I can keep it up.

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    Driver's ed?

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Drink-drive

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    If you go to the airport with too much liquid, the TSA confiscates it and throws it away in case it's a bomb.

    So they throw it away in case it's a bomb. In the garbage can right next to them. With all of the other possible bombs they threw away. In the area with the most people around.

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Kardashians

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    Some of my days are like the ending of this.

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Endless

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it A-democrat

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    socialist noun

    so·​cial·​ist | \ ˈsō-sh(ə-)list  \

    1. someone who wants everything you have except your job

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it It-has-nuts

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    I finally figured out why all of the pictures taken of me turn out so bad.

    It's my face.

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it You-re-going-to-die

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    Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping next to you and feel glad that you're alive?

    I just did. I'm not allowed to fly with this airline ever again.

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Rams-won-vote    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Extra-votes

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    The first painting ever made with what eventually became the United States flag.

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Ruth-flag

    A truly historic piece of art!

    And if you look closely at the portrait over the fireplace mantel, you can see this was most likely painted in the quarters of a close relative of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

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    I knew it!

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Moon-landing

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    You never really appreciate what you have until it's gone.

    Toilet paper, for example.

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    ODE TO THE SPELL CHECKER


    Eye halve a spelling chequer
    It came with my pee sea
    It plainly marques four my revue
    Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

    Eye strike a key and type a word
    And weight for it too say
    Weather eye am wrong oar write
    It shows me strait a weigh.

    As soon as a mist ache is maid
    It nose bee fore two long
    And eye can put the error rite
    Its rare lea ever wrong.

    Eye have run this poem threw it
    I am shore your pleased two no
    Its letter perfect awl the weigh
    My chequer tolled me sew.

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    Looks like Bruce Jenner was a bad influence on Santa!

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Santa

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    FRIEND: If you could meet someone dead or alive, who would it be?

    ME: Somebody alive.

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    The three stages of life

    1. Birth
    2. What the hell is this?
    3. Death

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Potato-leek-soup

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    Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10.

    It's simple meth.

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    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Gorilla


    _________________
    We'll never have to worry about China attacking us. They're 12 hours ahead, so we'll have plenty of time to shoot down their missiles.
    -- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
    Psycho144
    Psycho144

    Posts : 943
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 79

    I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it Empty Re: I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Feb 06, 2019 8:18 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing cheers cheers cheers

      Current date/time is Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:10 am