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    I don't think my wife loves me any more!


    Posts : 3675
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 66
    Location : Home

    I don't think my wife loves me any more! Empty I don't think my wife loves me any more!

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Dec 18, 2018 7:01 pm

    She won't take me with her when she goes shopping like she used to.

    Let me explain what led up to it.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -- she loved to browse.

    Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs Johnson

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr Johnson, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s cart when they weren’t looking.
    July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
    July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
    July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.” This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
    Aug 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M & M’s on layaway.
    August 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
    August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could go in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which 20 children obliged.
    August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.
    September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
    October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
    October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled: “Pick me, pick me.”
    October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, “Oh no, It’s those voices again.”

    And last, but not least:

    October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled loudly, “Hey, There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.

    We'll never have to worry about China attacking us. They're 12 hours ahead, so we'll have plenty of time to shoot down their missiles.
    -- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

    Posts : 943
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 79

    I don't think my wife loves me any more! Empty Re: I don't think my wife loves me any more!

    Post  Psycho144 on Wed Dec 19, 2018 3:33 pm

    Great way to pass time "snort"

      Current date/time is Mon Jan 27, 2020 6:57 am