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    A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair

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    sinister_midget
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    Posts : 3618
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 65
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    A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair

    Post  sinister_midget on Tue Sep 25, 2018 9:27 am

    It's horrible to have your dreams smashed!



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    I have a bumper sticker that says "HONK IF YOU THINK I'M SEXY"

    I sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

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    I think they're planning a remake.



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    Kids today can't begin to understand how rough things used to be.

    When I was a kid we had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel!

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    You know who they are.....



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    A wise Chinese man once said:

    明智的东西

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    My Muslim neighbor intimated to me that his wife likes to dress up as a schoolgirl. Especially 8AM to 4PM on weekdays.

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    Placement can be just as important as punctuation.





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    I bought a pirate GPS on Amazon.

    It can't guide you anywhere, but it tells you where you arrrrrr.

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    Still the same after all these years.





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    Many Ethopians will never reach the age of some of my jokes.

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    Even so, glad summer's finally gone!



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    I've been a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear nobody recognizes you there.

    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I've made several trips.

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    What every kid wants this Christmas!



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    Be careful about telling jokes that may be offensive around people you don't know well.

    Lats night I was at a bar with friends. Some of them brought their other friends along, a few of which I'd never met.

    Anyway, to break the ice with the new people I started telling jokes. It went pretty well for ahwile. Then I decided to up the ante and make them progressively more offensive. Still went great. Until one particular joke.

    The joke went like this:

    "What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub?

    Throw your laundry in."

    One of the new guys instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I asked what the heck his problem was, he said his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bathtub years ago.

    Obviously I was mortified since I didn't know that, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"

    "No," he replied. "He choked on a sock."

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    Another brave woman steps forward.



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    Well, as they say in France....

    ALLAHU AKHBAR

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    Don't forget to vote in November!



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    When I move to New Mexico I wanna get one of these solar-powered mules!



    Looks like enough spare capacity to charge the cellphone, too.

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    My wife is a heavy drinker.

    She has 2 Bacardis a week and weighs 280 pounds.

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    Now you tell me!



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    Girls, if it's hanging in your mom's closet, it's already out of style.



    _________________
    Owning guns isn't a right. If it was a right it would be in the Constitution.
    -- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
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    Psycho144

    Posts : 879
    Join date : 2016-08-26
    Age : 78

    Re: A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair

    Post  Psycho144 on Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:50 am

    "snicker"  Laughing Laughing

      Current date/time is Mon Jan 21, 2019 3:14 pm